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Burden prt1

Geez… quite long i almost never update this blog… huhuhu… sometimes gonna cry n dunno how to begin write in this…

hmmm… today….. okay… begin by today…. n tell my story about this past 10 days…

hmmmm…. lets begin….

this last term n last module of my diploma…. hikz…. feel so sad n tired… i think, this’s the fed up of my passion of my work… i need rest i need new inspiration…

haiz… last on week 6 of this term i really want give up everything… i really want to stop n take rest… but somehow in my heart didn’t want give up and want finished till this end of this term and rest after that… like my own plan since last year….

I also realize that i just build my own trauma n scare with sketch for this past six month… I always jealous with myself  how come that i can design but i can show the process inside my head when I design…. All the best design (people like it) that I created, be honest I never sketch that… I develop that inside my head, n try to show with my 3D rendering skill… Okay…. first it’s okay…. but over the time i felt n build this guilty… I jealous with my self… how come i can design but can’t show the process of my design…. I disappointed with that… Plus the words that always replayed in my mind that his word about my sketching skill… he always said that i have the worse sketch… i need learn and learn with that… it’s make me more and more pressure my own self to learn but somehow also build my fear with sketch…

It’s the biggest regret in my life why i begin this fear… Why I didn’t make it as a reference for learning instead build that as a fear….

I don’t know I think, I made the best decision to went back a while to home to confess this fear n ask help to support me to fight with this fear….

Starting with consult with my therapist i begin my story with the regret of choose this major as my way… i feel sick with this major… i want run as far as i can… but after the session  i know and realise that actually i really love the way i choose for this past 2 years i want finished it but with my own way… I don’t want to destroy this passion of this major to the biggest regret…. after that i can choose my own way to chose the path of my future without destroy what i had learn for this past 2 years… really really long n sad feeling come out…. so many tears fall down….

to be continue….

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This entry was published on February 23, 2010 at 10:51 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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